As Grief Awareness Week concludes, Sophie Cook, PR and external comms manager at Unum, speaks to Health & Protection about losing her father to Parkinson’s, gaining support from Unum’s own employee assistance programme and why talking about her feelings really made a difference.
Dad’s passing
“It was Christmas 2021, and my dad wasn’t very well but there wasn’t really anything unusual about that,” Cook tells Health & Protection.
“He had Parkinson’s, and the fact that he was a bit muddled and unsteady was fairly normal. But when he developed a cough that hadn’t shifted by January, my stepmother called for an ambulance.
“He was diagnosed with fluid in his lung and admitted to hospital.
“It was still Covid times so we weren’t allowed to visit him, but they said he’d be out in a few days. Instead, he went into multi-organ failure and died 10 days later,” Cook continues, who adds her dad meant everything to all of four of his children.
“His death was such a shock — he was only 77-years old, and to begin with I don’t think any of us really processed what was going on,” she says.
Never experienced anything like this
In terms of her own journey, Cook says she has never experienced anything like this before.
“People say grief is a process. So I was interested to find out more about that and what I might expect to think or feel when feelings were new and raw in the first week or so after his death.
“Actually, one of the first things I did was to look at Unum’s EAP which I knew had a section on dealing with loss. There were plenty of articles and resources which really helped me find my way through what I was experiencing. I realised that the way I felt was ‘normal’ and that I should just acknowledge that and take one day at a time.
“It also helped to know that if things got overwhelming, I could speak with a bereavement professional through Help@hand, for some one-to-one support.”
Keep talking
And Cook explains that the one piece of advice she would give anyone experiencing a bereavement is to keep talking.
“Be open and honest about how you’re feeling with your line manager and the people you work with,” she continues.
“I found that grief can be a lonely place, so maintaining connections at work, as well as socially, is really important. Other people may have had similar experiences and would be willing to share coping mechanisms — sometimes you just have to ask for help.”
But Cook also points out that her experience also proves how important insurance is.
“I had used Unum’s Help@hand remote GP service a number of times, but I hadn’t really realised how valuable the extra services and resources can be,” she says.
“They can be a real lifeline, offering 24/7 support when times get tough and the extent of knowledge and information really does mean there’s something for everyone – no matter how big or small the query or issue.
“Just knowing I could get help quickly and easily if and when I needed it took a huge weight off my mind.”
No longer a daily struggle
And looking to the future, Cook reflects that life has got easier.
“The grief is still there but somehow life has grown around it so it’s no longer a daily struggle.
“Sometimes something will trigger a memory or emotion and my eyes will well up. My six-year old can’t talk about his Grandpa without bursting into tears, saying he still misses him.
“As we approach our second Christmas without Dad, I must admit I’m feeling quite anxious. Christmas celebrations were so important to our family, and I think they’ll be a big reminder of our loss, especially as we always used to have a second Christmas lunch at Dad’s house on Boxing Day.”
Carving out time to take care of my own wellbeing
And while it is is easy to focus on everyone else as a bust mum, Cook is mindful of taking care of her own wellbeing.
“Since Dad’s passing, I’ve made sure I carve out time to focus on me and take care of my own wellbeing.
“Last summer I joined a local gym and I find going to classes helps me combat any feelings of sadness or anxiety.
“Next year we plan to take a family trip to scatter Dad’s ashes somewhere he loved, maybe in Cornwall. I know this will be an emotional upheaval, but it will be another important milestone in our bereavement journey.”