Being overwhelmed by a desire to be at home is one of main mental health challenges Phil Jeynes has had to contend with in the months since his treatment for colon cancer.
This World Mental Health Day, Jeynes (pictured), who returned to work in March of last year after being successfully treated for colon cancer, spoke to Health & Protection about his mental health journey since.
MetLife UK’s head of individual protection discusses how on diagnosis he initially went into ‘solution’ mode which may not have had the best effect on his loved ones, not thinking he needed the mental health support on offer, and how his choice of song to beat stress reflects his emotional nature.
He also touches on feeling a desire to be at home and the unfairness at not being able to enjoy a nice bottle of red wine and a good steak.
Solution mode
“When I was first diagnosed, I went quite quickly into solution mode,” Jeynes tells Health & Protection.
“That’s partly because having worked in an industry where cancer and serious illness are discussed very regularly and very openly, I knew what I was being told. I knew what it all meant,” he continues.
While many people are confused over their next steps following diagnosis, Jeynes maintains that was not the case with him as he quickly started asking questions.
“I quickly went into what’s the treatment? How long will it take? What are the best and worst case scenarios? That kind of stuff.
“So from a mental health perspective, that felt good to me because I thought right, here’s a problem. Here’s a solution. Here’s what we’re going to do about it. Here’s when we’re going to do it. So I felt pretty good.”
However his approach may not have properly taken the feelings of his family into account.
“I don’t think that was particularly helpful to my immediate family because they were with me on that journey and they were still trying to process it while I’m already thinking about what I’m going to do,” Jeynes continues.
“I remember when I first came home from the doctor, the first thing I did was dig out my critical illness policy.
“That’s partly a professional curiosity and because I can actually use this thing that I’ve been talking about.”
Coping mechanism
This was just part of his coping mechanism, Jeynes adds.
“This is a thing to tick off my to-do list. And my wife found it pretty terrifying that I was looking at a life insurance policy rather than crying or talking about it or whatever,” he continues.
“Those are the sorts of things at the time I thought was a good way of coping and perhaps in retrospect I could have been more considerate about the impact this was having on other people as well.”
While Jeynes was offered mental health support through a variety of sources through his own private medical cover and through other people in the industry, he did not think he needed it.
“It was partly because as it turned out, they’d caught the cancer in my case very early and therefore it wasn’t a protracted process of chemotherapy and all this other stuff and partly because I just felt I know what’s happening. Ironically this is my bread and butter so I can just deal with this.”
Feeling sideswiped
Though it is the unexpected things about cancer that tend to ‘sideswipe’ you, Jeynes says.
“So the complications that I’ve had since around my bowel, the changes to my diet, all of those sorts of things, the loss of weight, that even as someone who knew about cancer and knew what the process was and what the terminology was, that still came out of leftfield for me,” Jeynes continues.
“It’s definitely had a mental impact, so maybe I should have actually given myself a bit more of a break and talked to more people.”
Being an emotional person
While good at compartmentalising his feelings, Jeynes says he is an emotional person and his choice of Elbow’s One Day Like This in Health & Protection‘s list of songs professionals in the sector like to listen to when stressed reflects this.
“I’ve always liked that,” Jeynes says. “That’s an interesting observation.
“I’m the sort of personality that’s quite good at compartmentalising and not that I’m not an emotional person because I can be as that song choice indicates. I can be an emotional person and cry at the drop of a hat at songs and films and all the rest of it. I always have done.
“But I’m quite good in my day to day life in putting things to one side and getting on with stuff.
“That’s how I treated this illness. I can’t do anything about it, so I’m not going to get upset about it. What I’m going to do is deal with it, get my head down and get on with it.”
And this approach worked.
“It allowed me when I was in pretty miserable places in hospital at points it was good to have that grind it out mentality,” he continues.
“But again, I think it was worrying for those around me because they knew that I must be having those emotions and I wasn’t expressing them.
“Sometimes you need to show other people what you’re feeling so they can not worry about it, so they see it is affecting you and you’re acknowledging that rather than worrying that it’s affecting you and that you’re not.”
Desire to be at home
As for his journey since treatment, Jeynes reveals at times he has felt anxious.
“That’s not an emotion I’ve been prone to,” he adds.
“Occasionally when I’ve been away from home, I’ve had this very, very strong urge and impulse to get home and I’ve never felt that before.
“As much as I’ve liked spending time at home with my family, I’ve always been absolutely fine about being away, but since my illness that emotion has been quite strong at times with no logical reason.
“It’s not like I can attribute it to wanting to see this person or watch this thing on TV. It was just a feeling and that’s definitely as a result of what I’ve gone through.”
Lifelong repercussions
But this could be his brain telling him he needs to be in a place of safety, Jeynes suggests.
“You need to be somewhere comfortable – that’s a physical manifestation,” he continues.
“Although I’m always at pains to point out that my cancer experience was on the easier end of the spectrum, there are lifelong repercussions of the surgery I had which, while it’s not stopped me doing anything it has changed the way I eat and that’s changed the way I live.
“Albeit that’s something I feel very lucky to be dealing with, I am still dealing with it. If you committed yourself, you would absolutely have moments where you think, that’s not very fair. That’s not good.”
Missing a good steak
And there are certainly some things that Jeynes misses that he will never be able to do again following his treatment.
“When I see people knocking back red wine and eating steak, I can’t do that anymore and I’d like to,” he continues.
“So I can definitely have moments where I think, ‘Damn, I won’t ever be able to do that again’ and mentally that presents a challenge,” he adds.
“It’s a challenge I can deal with because there are a lot of people who can’t drink red wine and eat steak with impunity so I don’t feel pretty hard done to.
“But that’s a change to my lifestyle that cancer has brought about.”
